Saturday, July 15, 2017

The end...sort of... Part 1 (*OR* - That sucked...What do you want to do now?)

The End...Sort of...Part 1 of ?-

I have finished the last of my journals I have kept time immemorial and realized how much I was avoiding it.
I have kept both electronic and handwritten versions; mixing and matching along the way. 
Stops and starts galore for various reasons.
The point of keeping them evades me still. I know how and why it started, but I've no idea why it persisted.
I would stop many times because I was censoring myself.
My musician and poet friends will understand my getting tired of the frame of mind things I would write would become regular and stale to me. I began to sound like a broken record, for those of us who understand what that means.

Some was censorship because I didn't want someone to violate my privacy at the time and see what I was really thinking.
Looking back, that was wise.
It will probably be that way if I write more in the future.
Right now, I don't know.

I am just a guy named Lance, Just L.
I consumed goods and services, and fertilized the soil.
I hope that I will not die as I have lived.
Alone, unloved, depressed, disappointed, and sad.
Mom and Dad tried nonetheless.
Many good people in my life.
Unfortunately, more blood sucking leeches than life giving well-springs.
I have been pushed off of a bridge, attempted to be drowned, buried my Dad and my Sis.
I've dreamed big and fallen short, settled for less but strived for the more, accepted my failures and asked forgiveness.
My love net is wide for those brave and confident enough to accept it.
I've had hope it would be reciprocated.
I've saved a life and spread the Gospel to many.
I taught my kids about God and learned that even what I did wasn't enough.
I worked hard. I rooted hog.
My life was supposed to be without regrets, but I don't think that was realistic. I think it was stupid young boy idealism.
Funny. My Dad never accused me of that one!
Well, for now, and until next time, if there is one, 
-Just L.

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